Learning Together. Living With Anxiety After Therapy.
I get nervous about writing these posts... they are a really vulnerable piece of me...I stopped going to therapy sessions for my anxiety disorder a while ago (a year maybe... heavens). It was a big step for me and really intimidating- but it was something that I had to do. Therapy isn't suppose to become a crutch for the rest of your life- it is suppose to be a tool that gets you back on your feet.Overall I'm doing really really well. I've just been happier and healthier in general. I have all these tools now that I know about and am working at to master on my own. I still have set backs though... its just part of all of it. Now that I'm no longer in therapy doesn't mean that I'm cured- having an anxiety disorder is a lifelong battle (that we can learn to master- don't get me wrong).I still get stuck in my thoughts occasionally... it's like they trap me up inside of myself. They pull me away from reality into this strange realm were that one thought keeps replaying in my head... over and over again. A lot of the time it's a degrading, horrifying thought about how I screwed up in some huge (blown out of proportion) way. That's what throws me into panic attacks- its almost like an actual physical sensation of that swirling thought turning into this little hurricane in my chest and head. That is a pretty worse case scenario now though- I haven't had a panic attack since I started going to therapy and haven't had one since I stopped going either (woot woot).The thing about all of this is that all of this doesn't just affect me. Since it is this part of me- it is a part of my marriage. I can't extract it from that part of my life anymore than I can just simply stop having anxiety. It is something that we have had to work through as a couple- which I thought I would share our strategies that we employ as a couple.
be patient with yourself and your partner
All of this is a long process that takes lots of practice. Whether you are in therapy and learning all these new tools and strategies right now or you are practicing and applying everything you have learned on your own- it takes time to retrain yourself to new healthier habits. Adding in your spouse to the mix just means two people are going through this process.
understand you have to expressly tell them what you need
My hubby and I had this huge huge huge break through when I finally opened my mouth and told him exactly what I needed. He wanted to be helpful and had been offering me support in the only way he knew how- which was not an approach that was particularly helpful for me. Once he understood what I needed, he was relieved and eager to help.
be honest when you are struggling
Speaking up when I'm in the midst of struggling with my anxiety (it comes it spurts now) has given him the ability to learn signs and signals from me when I'm struggling. While I still trying to vocally tell him when I'm having a hard time with an anxious thought or situation- he has learned how to recognize my anxiety tells and doesn't usually need me to tell him anymore. He didn't right away though- and that took a lot of practice.
explain your new tools and strategies
When I'm in the middle of a swirl of anxiety- I have a hard time pulling myself out of it all by myself so having him understand what helps has kept me safely away from impending anxiety attacks. We have worked really together as a couple to figure out which tools helps me get through different situations- without him I'm not sure I would be able to claim such a clean "attack" record. :)Just remember that all of this is a process- a never ending process. Patience, communication, digilance, and devotion will get you through.